Do's and Don'ts for Parents

from American Athletes, pg 12 - reprinted from Visual Athletics by Kay Porter, Ph.D., and Judy Foster (Wm C Brown Publishers, Trade and Direct Group. 1990)

DO'S AND DON'TS FOR PARENTS

Probably since the beginning of sports history there have been parents who were enthusiastic, shouting, supportive, critical, loving, pushing, caring and demanding, on the sidelines or in the stands. Most of the time this is crucial to the performance, good or bad of the child's athletic endeavor. After working with young athletes, their parents, and their coaches, we were asked to come up with a list of what works and what doesn't work for the parents of aspiring young athletes. The following are the most powerful do's and don'ts for parents to support their child in the most positive and beneficial way.

t h e d o 's

All your child to be interested and to want to play whatever sport he or she chooses. Provide the opportunity of many choices and support his or her choice even if it is not yours. Support your child's choice to play no sport when he or she is the most comfortable with that opinion.
Teach your child to respect his or her coach. Do this primarily by showing respect to the coach yourself. It is vital to the child's progress that he or she listen to and trust the coach's advice and instructions.
Be willing to let your child make his or her own mistakes and learn from them. when your child makes a mistake, ask what they think they could have done differently, what they learned from the experience, and i they would like any feedback (not criticism or blame) from you -- what you saw, what you think they might have done differently, and what you think they might have learned.
Be interested and supportive, light and playful, understanding and open-hearted. Be accepting and tolerant of your child's learning process and his or her physical abilities. Acknowledge and enjoy your child's participation and successes -- even the small ones.
Model flexibility of your own opinions. Be willing to be wrong and move off your position. Listen to the other side of the situation and let go of the need to be right or in control.

t h e d o n ' t s

Don't try to relive your youth through your child. Just because you wanted to be, or were, a hero on the football field or in gymnastics does not mean that sport will be your child's choice. Accept that your child may not excel in that or any sport.
Don't blame the equipment, coach, other players, referees, or even the weather if your child or the team does not do well or win. Blaming others teaches non-accountability to kids. They do not learn to look at what they could have done differently or learn from their mistakes if they learn to blame others.
Don't push, push, push. Children who are pushed beyond their capabilities may lose their self-confidence, become resistant and resentful toward their parent, become unsure of themselves and their abilities, and stop trying. They may also exhibit a disturbance in eating and/or sleeping habits.
Don't expect perfection or tie your ego or image to your child's performance. Perfectionism is a very hard expectation to live up to. Laying guilt on a child because their performance made you look bad is highly destructive. Your child is not responsible for your ego or your reputation in the community.

Remembering this simple list may assist parents in remembering that youth sports are to be enjoyed by children as well as parents. Most children play sports become work and drudgery, children lose interest and some of the joy in growing up. Remembering to be a little less serious about life helps all of us enjoy athletic competition.